When your relationship is in distress, it can feel all-consuming.
What was once a safe haven, full of laughter, connection and excitement for a future together, has given way to passive-aggressive comments, tense silences, and even questioning if this is the right relationship for you. This is where couples therapy can help.
When couples are starting therapy, I often hear:
“I’m trying so hard, and it’s still not enough.”
“We have the same argument over and over, and nothing changes.”
“Our relationship feels like a minefield. I never know what’s going to set them off.”
“My partner just wants more than I’m able to give.”
“I'm tired of feeling so alone with the mental load.”
“I can’t bring anything up without my partner getting defensive and shutting down.”
stuck in a negative cycle?
In couples therapy, we'll work as a team to figure out the root problems that are keeping you stuck in your negative cycle. Right now, it might feel like a fight can happen in an instant - but understanding all that's happening in those brief milliseconds is the first step toward slowing it down, first in session, and soon, at home. This leads to fewer and less intense fights, and restored hope that you can get back on track.
There's a way out of this "stuck" place.
Once we have our foot in the door, we'll learn new ways of communicating that will help your partner actually hear and understand where you're coming from and what you need. I constantly hear people say, "I know you've said this before, but I don't think I understood until now." You'll be back on the same team again, and will finally start to see the changes you've been fighting for.
we'll take it step by step.
Using the roadmap of Emotionally Focused Therapy, the gold standard for couples therapy according to the American Psychological Association, we'll work together to:
1. Do a thorough assessment of your relationship's strengths, areas of growth, and each partner's goals for the relationship and for therapy.
2. Understand the negative patterns you both get stuck in, and begin catching yourselves when you start to fall back on those old habits, which leads to fewer and less intense conflicts at home.
3. Replace those old habits with new techniques for communicating your feelings and needs in a way that your partner can hear and respond to.
4. Explore your emotional experiences more deeply and share things with your partner you might never have put words to before, leading to a sense of intimacy, trust and connection that transforms the bond you have with each other from the bottom up.
5. Revisit gridlocked problems and hot-button issues, using your new tools to have conversations you weren't able to have before. Enjoy the immense relief that comes when your relationship acts as a buffer against life's challenges, rather than feeling like you're facing it all alone.
The Steps to Lasting Change
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